Welcome to my Blackberry

My daily conversations go something like this:

"I think my dildo broke up with me."
"What noooo! WHY"
"I dunno doesn't wanna work no more haha I fight with it just to get it to turn on.."
"You mustn't give it enough TLC. Even dildos want to be loved and respected."
"Well I do love it and respect it. I change its batteries often isn't that good enough? I clean it too..what more does it possibly want?"

"I'm a heart breaker, watch out. Haha :P You'll have to try it some time."
"You'll have to teach me your ways. Atm my caring levels are down and that seems to be working well for me."
"That's an excellent start (:"
"But I'm a big time carer, so this probs won't last."
"I can slap you when I notice you start caring? You will be like aaah caring is bad, I get slapped...then you'll stop."
"Or spank me."
"Yup, that seems more appropriate."