Casey, nothing is making sense right now. Your kids, my mom, our family is a mess. I worry about everyone. All I know at this point is that I have to be strong and I need to remember what you would do in a situation like this, because you always made things better. You always made my Mom better. Why does death sneak up on the most amazing people? It's so unfair and I'm so angry and hurt and confused and worried about the people I care for most. Worst of all is I haven't even let it hit me yet, I've been too busy making sure everyone else is alright. Can't you just walk through the front door already and light up the room with your goofy smile? We're all really tired of crying and could use some sleep. I'm not sure how much longer we can handle your absence, but we'll have to get use to it because whether we like it or not you're not coming back.
I prayed for you Casey, but God didn't answer my one request and I can't help but be angry. No one deserves this kind of pain. You weren't suppose to leave your four children behind to grow up without you. What about your future Grandchildren, what about your parents? The thought of the future kills me at this point. No one knows what to do or how to do it. Darla said it right, you were the glue and now we're all breaking apart into pieces. I introduced you to my Mom for a reason, so you two could grow old together and you could give each other all the love you both deserve. I've tried to stay positive and get through this, but today I am just angry. Plain angry.
Who is going to tell me to stop being so grumpy and caring what other people think, and who's going to call me a liquor pig and buy me my cherries? Who is going to share their love for music and rugby with me? Who is going to dress up in crazy outfits and make everyone's day with your outgoing personality and constant friendliness? Who is going to protect, provide for, and love my Mom? Who is going to look after your kids? My questions need to be answered Casey, you need to make some sort of sense of this tragedy.
We all love you so much, you better be watching over us right now...or I'll be pissed when we meet again.
Love you Lauren! Like I said, you are not alone, don't think for a minute that you are <3
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